Thinking Kind Thoughts

I feel like I’ve been fighting an internal battle of thoughts within myself…for a long time. I’ve been fighting with these voices that are constantly telling me what I should be doing. Fitting in more, multi-tasking, creating time for myself, loving myself more, creating time to be more creative, be more present, be more efficient with my time, enjoy my time more, be outside more, be more connected, be less connected.

As my interest (because, I’d hardly call it a career) in supporting others with their healthy lifestyles has evolved, I’ve learned so much about what I want in my life, who I want to be around and be like, and what simply doesn’t work for me. I’m really grateful that I’m able to choose to see these experiences as life lessons and not failures.

But sometimes, the moments or days that I spent pondering my experiences, my relationships, my successes and what I want to be when I grow up, sometimes, these moments get a little dark. The ability to be authentic and real and connect with others and share my gifts and make a living, while being a mother, a wife, having time for myself, a creative outlet and just enjoying life, sometimes feels nearly impossible.

Someone I love recently reminded me that we cannot be all the things, all the time, to all the people. If you can, then I don’t know why you’re reading this, because I should be reading whatever YOU’RE writing. And it’s true. That’s where prioritizing comes in. It’s where boundaries become more important than ever. And when we must use our intuitive discernment to make choices in our daily lives.

I am here to support others on their journey to better health. I am here to create. I am here to inspire. I am ready to be a little more me and a little less of what I’m supposed to be. I am here. I am here to enjoy my life and make it better for myself and my family.

I was reading an article in Women’s Health the other day about crying while working out. This beautiful little anecdote by a single mom who could barely find any time to herself or to fit in her workouts while raising her baby alone, making ends meet, and making sure to stay strong all the while. After some time she finally took the time to go to a spin class, and between the music and the endorphins and her hormones or endorphins she found herself sobbing mid-workout, out of gratitude for her time away, for her experiences, and for her little one.

I thought about the times I’ve cried in yoga classes, usually it’s triggered by music combined with my meditative state. And how I realized it had been so long since I had cried.

The next day I was in yoga, and the music (always gets me) was flowing. I started thinking about what was moving slower in my life than I wanted it to (my work, my income, furthering my education, what I was creating). I was thinking about what was moving too fast (my child growing, time, just time in general). I thought about what my husband had said about prioritizing my energy and time, and to not be so hard on myself. I started to think about the things I don’t do so well as a wife and mother and the things that I do ok. I thought about the things I wish I could do and want to do and just cannot seem to fit them in.

I told myself to think kind thoughts. I almost cried, but I didn’t this time. I smiled a little actually. I focused on what I was doing, what I was creating, and continued to remind myself to think kind thoughts.

We can choose to focus on all we are not having or not doing or leaving behind (like when we grow, start a new adventure, or even a healthier lifestyle) or we can focus on all we are making space for. What is coming next? What is going well? What are we working towards? And then let go of what isn’t working anymore.